i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
