if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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