he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
