All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They have beer where we have blood.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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