Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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