Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
