You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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