Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
