the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
