Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
