my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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