When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
