apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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