you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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