I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
