i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
