I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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