I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hippo gnu deer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
