Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
