It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
