Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
