Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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