I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
