i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
