3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
