theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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