I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
