And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
