so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
