my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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