My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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