I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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