I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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