I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
