I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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