Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
