Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
