She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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