We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
