u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
