butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am available for nakedness
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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