I just saw a hot homeless man
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
