i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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