thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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