He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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