highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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