I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
