it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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