I'm going to jail i love you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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