U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
