I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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