if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
